There’s a stage of life that doesn’t always get talked about enough.
You’re still worrying about your children. Maybe they’re grown up, but they still need you. They might need help with money, childcare, housing, advice, or simply a place to land when life gets hard.
At the same time, your parents are getting older. They may need help with appointments, shopping, transport, paperwork, meals, medication, or simply more of your time and attention.
And there you are. Right in the middle.
No wonder it can feel exhausting.
You can love them and still feel overwhelmed
This is the hard part.
You can deeply love your children. You can deeply love your parents. And still sometimes think: I don’t know how much more I can fit into my life.
That doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human.
When you’re constantly thinking about what everyone else needs, your own needs can quietly slide to the bottom of the list.
You become the organiser. The driver. The person who remembers the appointments. The one everyone rings. The one who sorts things out.
And after a while, that can become a lot to carry.
The pressure comes from both directions
For many people in their 50s and 60s, this stage can arrive just as they are starting to think more seriously about retirement.
You may be asking yourself:
- Can I afford to retire?
- Will my children still need financial help?
- Will my parents need more care?
- What happens if I stop working and everyone still relies on me?
It can make retirement feel less like freedom and more like another list of responsibilities.
You cannot do everything
This sounds obvious, but it is surprisingly hard to accept.
Sometimes we fall into the habit of being the person who fixes everything because we have always done it.
But just because you can help doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself.
Ask yourself: does this really need to be done by me?
Could someone else help? Could siblings take on more? Could your adult children solve some things themselves? Could a paid service take over one small task?
Even one responsibility taken off your plate can make a difference.
Share the load before you reach breaking point
Families often wait until someone is exhausted before they talk about sharing responsibilities.
Try to have those conversations earlier.
If you have siblings, be specific. Instead of saying I need more help with Mum, try: Could you take her to her next two appointments?
Clear requests are often much easier for people to respond to.
The same applies with adult children. Helping them doesn’t always mean solving every problem for them.
Protect some time that belongs to you
When everyone needs something, free time can disappear without you noticing.
Try to protect a little space in your week. It doesn’t have to be dramatic.
- An hour for coffee.
- A walk.
- Lunch with a friend.
- A quiet afternoon.
- A hobby.
- A morning where you don’t answer every message immediately.
You don’t have to wait until everyone else is completely sorted before you are allowed to enjoy your own life.
Keep your finances separate where you can
Helping family financially can become another source of pressure.
If you’re approaching retirement, it’s worth being careful about how much you give away.
It can be difficult to say no to children or family members, but your retirement savings may need to support you for decades.
Helping someone else should not leave you unable to look after yourself later.
Accept that guilt may still turn up
Even when you set sensible boundaries, guilt can sneak in.
You may feel guilty for saying no. Guilty for going away. Guilty for enjoying yourself when a parent is unwell. Guilty for expecting an adult child to manage something themselves.
But guilt doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing something wrong.
Sometimes it simply means you are changing an old pattern.
Retirement might need a little more planning
If you are part of this in-between generation, retirement planning may need to include more than your own expenses.
- How much support am I realistically giving my children?
- What might my parents need over the next few years?
- Who else can help?
- What boundaries do I need?
- What would happen if I became unwell or exhausted?
- What do I want my own retirement to look like?
You don’t need perfect answers. But thinking about these things now can help you avoid feeling trapped later.
You matter too
When you have spent years looking after everyone else, it can feel strange to start thinking about yourself.
But your life matters too. Your rest matters. Your health matters. Your retirement matters. Your plans matter.
You can be a loving parent. You can be a caring daughter or son. And you can still make room for yourself.
Those things do not cancel each other out.